May 7, 2020
NEWS FLASH! It’s not just disinfecting wipes, toilet paper and all-purpose baking flour flying off of the shelves right now. Retailers all over the world are reporting that sales of sex toys have spiked over the past two months as people are looking for new ways to find comfort and stress relief during their self-quarantine.
Some countries are seeing sex toy sales buzzing with increases over 200%.
What do those buyers know that you don’t?
Well, first of all, masturbation is the ultimate in social distancing sex, right? But, there are actual health benefits associated with dialing your own rotary phone.
- Orgasms keep your happy place happy. Blood flow keeps it supple and regularly running water through the pipes is essential to keeping plumbing in tip top shape.
- Orgasms offer pain relief. If you’re someone who suffers from menstrual cramps or the occasional UTI, you know that buzzing one off can give you some serious, all-natural pain relief. (This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.)
- Orgasms are good for your heart. Sexual activity and orgasms can reduce stress thanks to the surge of oxytocin, the "love hormone" that occurs with a happy ending. According to the science people, orgasms can also lower blood pressure levels in women.
- Orgasms help you sleep better by releasing endorphins. Having a couple of months of insomnia lately? Having an orgasm before bed may be the perfect cure.
- There’s a good chance you literally have nothing better to do right now.
Now that you know masturbation can be a critical part of your self care regimen, perhaps it’s time to get a helping hand?
(pun intended)
HERE ARE MY TOP THREE SOCIAL DISTANCING SEX PRODUCTS THAT YOU NEED RIGHT NOW!
THE LEGEND. THE O.G. THE CLOSER. The Magic Wand™ Rechargeable is the (not so) Little Black Dress of all pleasure product wardrobes. You need one of these. With 4 intensity power levels and 4 vibration patterns, this wand delivers magic every time. It offers unparalleled power and deep, penetrating vibrations through its firm massaging silicone head. Plus, apparently it’s also good on sore muscles. Who knew? There’s a reason why this was the most-requested pleasure product but the professional sex-havers I worked with at Playboy TV. Trust me, they know pleasure.
As they say on their site: “Put it down before you play, when you're done, all the "fun" is in the blanket. Then, just throw it in the wash when you're ready!” YOU GUYS, think of this as lining a cookie sheet with parchment paper or your slow cooker with one of those simple clean up bags. Yes, not exactly sexy imagery, unless you get turned on by Pot Roast. Not judging. You do you. This brilliant product is the perfect sex/fluid barrier to throw down on top of your $700 duvet cover. Have all of the fun and cleanup is a breeze! Plus, if you’re trying to learn how to squirt, the problem might be that you’re worried about your ridiculously high thread count sheets and the ensuing wet spot. Worry no more friends! Just throw this blanket UNDERNEATH YOUR BUTT (available in three different colors) and then let go! When you’re done, toss it in the laundry and sleep on your perfectly clean and dry sheets. No evidence left behind. Also great for Hotel Sex, Car Sex, and Silk Isfahan Area Rug sex. Manufactured by kindly Canadians in three colours, you need this! Get one today, eh!
THE WOMANIZER PRO, CLITORAL SUCTION DEVICE
Yes, this is absolutely the worst name ever for a female pleasure product, but i can’t be in charge of everything. According to their website “Womanizer Pro is our signature product in a luxurious design that will lead you to the most intense moments of pleasure. Indulge in contactless stimulation with our unique Pleasure Air Technology. This powerful combination of suction and pressure waves will gently bring you to a wholly new orgasmic experience - and with 12 levels of intensity you decide how fast you want to get there!” you guys, this product is awesome and so gentle that you can use it all night long. hey, it’s a health issue!
Okay, there ya go. My Top Three Social Distancing Products You Need Right Now during this super sexy COVID-19 pandemic.
Please stay healthy and take care. We’ll get through this together. At the very least, now, you’ll certainly be able to get through it alone.
See ya next time!
Wendy
Disclosure: Sex Ed The Musical is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. This post contains affiliate links. Any sales made through such links may net me a small commission – at absolutely no extra cost to you. When you make a purchase using an Amazon link, you help to offset the high price of producing this podcast and/or my guacamole addiction.